“I Was Dead”: Paul McCartney on the Post-Beatles Depression That Almost Ended His Career

The year 1970 saw not just the collapse of the greatest band in history, but also the total emotional disintegration of its most optimistic member. Paul McCartney has long carried the stigma of being the Beatle who initiated the split, but he has revealed that the emotional and professional fallout sent him into a profound, paralyzing depression that nearly saw him quit music forever. Speaking candidly in recent reflections from his memoir, McCartney admitted that the rumor circulating at the time that he was dead was “more accurate than one might have thought,” confessing, “In so many ways, I was dead.” Drowning in a sea of legal battles and grief over losing his “lifelong friends,” McCartney retreated into isolation and heavy drinking. He credits his late wife, Linda McCartney, as the vital force who pulled him back from the brink, urging him to put down the bottle and pick up his guitar to form the defiant new band, Wings.

The Death of a Lifetime Friendship

For Paul McCartney, the breakup of The Beatles was far more than a business dissolution or an artistic dispute; it was the painful severance of a bond forged in childhood. He described the period of the split—marked by contentious business dealings and public sniping—as an emotionally devastating experience akin to losing an extended family.

In his candid accounts, McCartney articulated the depth of this loss, saying, “I was depressed. You would be. You were breaking from your lifelong friends.” He drew a poignant analogy, comparing their relationship to the military: “We used to liken it to the army, where you’d been army buddies for a few years and now you weren’t going to see them again.” The transition from four unified musicians leading a global phenomenon to four separate entities embroiled in lawsuits left him adrift. The sheer magnitude of the failure, combined with the loss of constant companionship and collaboration, left the artist feeling like a “27-year-old about-to-become-ex-Beatle, drowning in a sea of legal and personal rows that were sapping my energy.”

Drowning in ‘The Bevvies’

Faced with this overwhelming emotional void and professional uncertainty, McCartney retreated into a destructive coping mechanism: heavy drinking. He moved his family to a remote Scottish farm, where his days were filled with “bevvies” (the Liverpudlian term for alcoholic beverages) and “a wee dram” (a shot of spirits), as he struggled to process the end of his life’s work.

At first, the drinking provided a temporary respite from the anxiety. “It was great at first,” he admitted, offering a momentary cushion against the daily crises. However, the habit quickly spiraled into something darker and unmanageable. “Suddenly I wasn’t having a good time,” he recalled. “I was far gone.” Compounding the emotional pain was the paralyzing question of his future: “It was difficult to know what to do after the Beatles. How do you follow that?” The fear of never matching The Beatles’ success, combined with the legal wrangling, fueled his descent, leaving him contemplating the ultimate exit from music altogether.

The Scottish Isolation and Survival

McCartney’s eventual escape came in the form of isolation. He retreated with his late wife, Linda McCartney, and their children to their remote sheep farm in Mull of Kintyre, Scotland. This extreme change of scenery and lifestyle was the complete antithesis of the Beatlemania he had just escaped, providing the essential solitude needed for emotional healing.

He spent his days immersed in simple, hard physical labor—far removed from the studio and the spotlight. He recalled learning how to cut down his own Christmas tree, put down a cement floor, and shear sheep. This connection to the land and the satisfying nature of tangible work proved restorative. “I took great satisfaction in learning how to do all these things, in doing a good job, in being self-dependent,” he wrote. Despite the harsh conditions of the secluded setting, this isolation ultimately gave him the crucial time and space to begin creating again, freeing him from the intense scrutiny of his former life.

Linda: The Architect of Recovery

While the isolation was necessary, McCartney unequivocally credits Linda, his first wife and creative partner, as the pivotal force who physically and emotionally rescued him from the brink. It was her clear-eyed intervention that ultimately ended his spiral toward alcoholism and artistic retirement.

“It was Linda who said, ‘You’ve got to get it together,'” McCartney revealed, emphasizing that her resolute encouragement was the turning point. Linda provided the stable, loving environment that allowed him to heal, and more importantly, she convinced him that his musical journey was not over. This encouragement served as the direct catalyst for his next musical venture, transforming his life and career trajectory and setting him on a path away from self-destruction.

Back to Square One with Wings

The result of Linda’s intervention was the formation of the band Wings in 1971. McCartney’s decision to start a new group was a conscious, deliberate attempt to “get back to square one” and recreate the communal joy and collaborative spirit he had lost with The Beatles.

Interestingly, McCartney admitted that he deliberately avoided forming a “supergroup” with other established rock gods, despite having the means to do so—he could have “rung up Eric Clapton and Jimmy Page and John Bonham.” Instead, he chose the rough, organic process of building a band from the ground up, even if it meant absorbing criticism. He was famously candid about Wings’ early days, agreeing with critics that they were “terrible” initially, particularly Linda on keyboards. However, he defended the choice, noting that even John Lennon “couldn’t play guitar when we started.” For McCartney, the awkward, imperfect beginning of Wings represented true freedom—a chance to lead his own life and direct his own music, proving to himself and the world that the artistic soul of Sir Paul was far from “dead.”